i need to do my EOM. yes i have to.
but i'm still here. haha. idk why i like to procrastinate so much. like seriously, why??
i would go online ,with all the right intentions, and then just.. do other stuff instead.
ergh.
currently the exco or not thing and the another cca or not thing is SERIOUSLY bothering me.
idk what to do :(

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to everyone that made my seventeenth so awesome.
especially the HAW family and extended, really, xie xie!
it meant alot, all the cards.
and of course, mel and yikheng's gigantic princessy balloon.
many heads turned and stared at me!
i'm really, really happy.

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1plus hour left.

today i had a major mood swing, idk why. entering womanhood or sth?
certain small stuff made me very upset, i know that you cant rush to have friends, but still.
why does it seem so much simpler for others then?
like i can't seem to fit in with everyone, like those jigsaw pieces that looks okay but when u try to squeeze it in there are still gaps that make it painfully obvious it aint the right piece after all.
what the crap. i shouldn't be emo-ing now.
must enjoy my last bit of sixteen-ness and all that right?
yet. you can't just will yourself to be happy.
so what do i do now?

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
75mins more now.

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Had A Level packing just now. It was tiring, but actually tons of fun(:
ended same time as sya too, so we went home together.
Friday, isn't going to turn out exactly the way I want it :P
We end at 12:45, the CT thing starts at 1;10, and I have no idea what time it'll end.
plus, i still have flag painting.
:S

oh well. i chose this, so no complaining. actually i'm complaining now, but that's different. this is the only place i can actually say out my thoughts. so it doesn't count as a complaint.

The weirdest thing of all this year? I don't have a wishlist.
either i'm too lazy to think of one, or i really have nothing that i want.
That's rare.

oh, and did you know? Syahirah and I have a crush on each other. Aww how sweet right?

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My head is literally throbbing right now, the kind of throb that makes me want to bash my head against the wall. I feel like cursing a whole string of swear words, which is really rare because anyone that knows me should know i don't curse.
And i can't even take a nap or anything because I still have a ton of work, including the stupid PI.
Crap. LIFE SUCKs.

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That's my orientation group name. i like it now. haha
My sub-group is ok. rather quiet i guess, but the ogls are good, and at least i have elizabeth with me. and peiyi.
Hmm. I submitted my subject combi just now.
Am not very sure if i really can pull off KI, but i think i should give it a shot..
ok i dont know what to say. Oh yes, dinner on friday was nice. They showed us how childish VJ guys could be, with the fries thing and chilliandice thing. haha.
Playing the mrt game and boomboomchucky and the name game in the dark sitting on prickly grass is actually rather enjoyable.
Heard monday's gonna have OGdinner at thaipan(:

On a side note, CCA auditions next week. I'm so scared for it.
I don't want to just throw myself back into my comfort zone.

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these few days i've been spending time with friends, doing things that i find is really meaningful and different, better than aimless shopping in malls (bcos i can't buy anything)

Wed : i went jiahui's house, tgt with caroline, and we did what primary school kids would do i guess, watching tv, surfing the Net, ordering and eating KFC, painting jiahui's nails and going through her stuff. We spent that day doing what would seem boring, but it was really nice. I know i have limited vocab right now, but there isn't really another word to describe it besides nice.

Thurs : met up with SEVEN for yh's birthday. we did the usual eat + watch movie + walk around thing, but it was still fun. cos it's been so long since we all sat down together to talk, i realise how sad i'll be when we drift apart.

Fri : went baking at caroline's house. the cupcakes were quite a flop, esp the 1st batch becoming crunchy chocolate crispies instead, haha. The process was fun, and that's what matters! Laughed a lot, ate alot, took alot of pictures and went home feeling.. happy.

Sat : met Melanie. we watched Jump, which was stupid, and it was my idea :P i hope we could continue to be friends in JC, but right now, idk.
later met sis and yoyo for dinner. haha i do miss my cousin, alot. shall see her again at cny, which is really soon, come to think of it.

Sun: met up with the section, finally. although samantha wasn't there ): we met at dhoby and ate kfc, something i'd forever associate with the section from now on. we changed our original plan to play pool. instead we went mindscafe, and it was fun.
emily is a ____? and we are full of _____? you gotta love us.

Mon: went baking again, same person(: sugar cookies were a success, and real nice. Baking is seriously stress therapy, although i'm not stressed right now.


the days are rushing by now.
tmr, posting results. the day after? reporting to your new school, where your future awaits.
I can't help but feel a lil excited. Hopefully, with new beginnings, i can change into a better person, and fruitfully make use of the supposedly best years of your life.

my handwriting does suck now. it's been 2months since i properly held a pen, and even longer since my handwriting was nice to look at.

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it's been a long time since Jan 13. in this 8 days, a lot of things have happened, but none big enough for me to spend time typing out.
in the end, i made my decision on thurs night.
i was very high at that point, and really glad.
it felt great, a total load of my back and finally a rest for my brain.
i guess for the rest of singapore, my choice would have been so obvious, so needless to say.
yes, i chose the choice that everyone would have chosen.
but i dont know if it was RIGHT.
i think, it's up to me to make it the right choice then.
and my final decision, the one that made me choose this instead of the other, was God i guess.
in my heart, i know, i don't deserve my results.
i worked hard, yes. but not that hard. it was never my aim, and if this was what i was to get, i felt, that was where He wanted me to go.

i still have twinges of regret, but i want to do this, now.
i want to go there and enjoy my experience.
you only get one chance, so no regrets.

this week i'm going out everyday. actually its everyday till orientation. my last, floaty wandering not sec 4 not j1 days are going to be spent fruitfully.

i think my posts lack smileys. here, one for you (:

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actually, technically, that;s not true.
i have lots of ideas, lots of thoughts, all screaming: pick me! go here! i'm the right choice!
seriously, jc or poly? i have no idea.
my entire family is against poly, because:
1. if i can go jc, why not?
2. the poly i want is super far.
3. jc gives u a better uni chance.
4. the poly env is so diff from the cedar one.

yet. yet i really want to go poly. my heart is there.
it gives me a chance, to become someone that i know i cant be come in jc.
i want to have a good education, learning things that i like, having ccas that i like, enjoying my time there.
i don't want to learn things which i don't care about, choosing those slack or crap ccas, and making myself try to like the jc experience.
i don't understand, why no one understands.
i really want to make the right choice.
but what if, the choice i think is the right choice, isnt?

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its 11+ now. i'm feeling.. nothing.
not too nervous, noo too scared, not too many stomach flips.
yes, anything can happen tomorrow. whether its tears of joy or sadness, i don't know yet.
tomorrow, i will collect my results, of the O levels, and then, off to a whole new world.
i feel so immature that it's scary to think that i'm sixteen already, have been through two parts of my education and should be embarking on the next.

where should i go? that's what been on my mind all this while. not what will i get, but where shall i go. sigh. i don't want to think about it anymore. years later i will look back and laugh at my silliness for worrying.

at least i'm going to wear my sch uni tmr!! i love the uniform. haha.
and i really want to see everybody.
last time as a level, last time as a class.

hopefully i'll be in a good mood tmr. hopefully there ain't too many tears.

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its 11:53 pm, 31 dec 2009
the last 7 minutes of the year.
what a thought.

2009 has been one of the fastest years ever. maybe its because of O's, and SYF(which now seems like eons ago), and the fact that we were to graduate from our secondary sch life forever.
looking back, i have a slight twinge of regret, like i didn't treasure the moments enough, and what if my sec sch friends turned out to be my friends for life and i lost the opportunity to be even closer such that when we met 15 years down the road we could say more than just the awkward " Hi, how are you?"
"I'm fine, thanks. You?"
which is always said to ease the tension and not for true meaning.

11:57 pm
3 more mins. those with fast clocks are probably writing out their sms of well wishes, hoping that the next year would be better. i think every year is the same. some have more drama, ups and downs, its true. but when you look back, it does not mean anything. every year blends in with those from the past, and those moments which you wanted to dig a hole and bury yourself seem insignificant and small, and you laugh for thinking that was the end of your life.

12:00 am, 2010
its midnight. usually an ordinary midnight, but supposedly this midnight is worth celebrating, since its the beginning of a new year. i always found countdowns ridiculous. why should this midnight be unlike any other? its 2010 now. so? i never want years to end. like everyday is slipping through your fingers, and there's nothing you can do to hold on to them. you can only watch them pass, and decide to be positive, and countdown to the next year, all the while knowing the days will slip past, just as before. people never really change.

12:03 am
well. i have no idea why my post became all philosophical and weird. it just became that way.
i don't make new year resolutions. whatever for? i know i could never keep to them.
you would never break what you never make.
just like if you had no hopes, you would never be disappointed.

12:05 am
bye 2009. it has left for a full 5mins. if i didn't have the clock, i would never have known. cos i don't feel different, at all. more than 10mins ago i was sitting here, typing. and now i'm sitting here, typing.
i remember last year's 31dec. or should i say, 2008's.
my family had all gone to bed, except my sis, who was out. i switched on the tv, watched the last 5mins, watched the countdown, and switched it off, and went back doing whatever i was doing.
yes yes, that's me, the abnormally calm and unhigh at supposedly necessary high moments.
now you know.

12:09 am
all that i experienced in the past one year, it feels like a dream. the kind that you wake up halfway and want to go back to it, but you never can.
i suppose i would miss 2009. is it possible to miss a year?
my prom is tmr, strictly speaking. i honest to goodness hope it's fun.
give or take 10days, i'll receive my results. another 10+ days, i'll know where i'll be for the next few years. my new life path. the time where all my friends really do get scattered. and if i go -, i'll reunite with some. idk. we shall see.
perhaps i don't like this new year because i don't know where i'll be going. perhaps in 2010's 31dec, i'll like 2011.
2011. looks so weird and alienish.

12:13 am
i'm done. i don't think i'll ever be the countdown type, unless its at TC.
have a wonderful year, everyone.

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christmas is coming.

i realise i have nothing to comment on the matter.
i'm not feeling the spirit, at all.

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AVATAR ROCKS(:
that's all i can say! my show starts in 7mins. haha
thanks J, for pei-ing me on short notice. although you were so late. but nvm. i know you had fun too.
i mean, you got your nail buffed for free!
and i bought nail polish. what a girly vainy thing to do.
i guess im girly and vainy then.

saw the tp ad during engwah comm. i REALLY don't know where to choose!!

bye~

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after updating my ipod, it says that it can't be synced, unknown error.
so i had to restore it to its original settings.
in other words, start over again as if it was brand new.
putting 800+ songs in is going to be .... .
sigh.

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recently i have been holing up in my room, using the comp, watching videos, and sleeping.
what a horrible, unhealthy lifestyle i'm leading.
on one hand, i can't wait for school to start, no matter where i'm going. i kind of miss the student lifestyle, of studying and sleeping late and being tired and having to wake up early and drag myself to school and being high on mondays.
yeah i miss that.

on the other hand, i'm really nervous about what the future holds for me. in my heart i know where i most want to go, but i also know that it would be hard for me to fit in. i'm worried about what to choose, and if i made a wrong decision that i'll regret for life.

i don't know what to do.





/edit.
i went eastpt to get some dingdongs, and met someone in a cedar garde tee.
yesyes THERESA, its you!
haha was really surprised to see you, and very happy. haven't seen your face since 13nov, which is a lifetime ago :/
plus, you all went out without me :S
so 不乖. tsktsk.
even though we talked for like, 1 min, it was great! i'll be waiting for you to 約me(:

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christmas season is in the air! december is really the fastest month ever, and 2009 flew by way too fast for my liking.
lots of friends are overseas now, making me bored bored bored.

just thinking about how this year started, how all the stress started to build up, how 4S changed, how I changed. and how we all had one goal, to end Os.

and now, in dec alr, it's been a month since we ended O levels, and its been so surreal.
right now, it was hard to believe that about a month ago, my focus was just studying mugging cramming for exams. and now i'm just.. existing. not really living. it's weird to think that i would see all the people i have grown familiar with, for 4 years, one last time, on results day.
that actually, secondary life had ended, without me really comprehending.
it seems so unceremonious. after the last paper, just walking out of the school gates.

maybe i'm just too sentimental for my own good.

anyway. it's christmas time, which means lots of shopping and splurging, i hope.
i'm in terrible lack of tops. and shoes, for that matter.
hope this christmas would be a good one.

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been going out every weekend with my parents. it's rather enjoyable actually, seeing that im probably in the minority group of teens, esp 16yearolds that would actually want to shop with their parents. and when i mean shop, it usually means i don't buy anything. just the action OF shopping.
don't really know why i'm even typing this. but anyway, i actually had a dream about blogging. that i was blogging about the christmas season. hmm wonder why.

last weekend, 6th Dec, went out with M at last.
as if to make up for everything. i think we did have fun, met at .. plaza sing for scrapbooking + daiso, hopped over to bugis for piano + neoprints + icecream.
missed taking nps for a while.
i have no pics, unfortunately.
then i went to raffles city to meet my parents, had dinner there, before going to orchard central to get my crumpler and shop there.
dhoby ghaut. bugis. city hall. somerset. 4 mrt stns in a day. wow.


btw, i love the WOW mv. the song not so much, but the dance.. HOT(:

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im so frustrated right now. so frustrated and so very upset. i dont even know how to tyrpe properly. why doesn't anyone understand me? i don't have the dong li to continue, i want to continue lessons, i want to learn more things. i hate to sit there and know that i wouldn't be able to play well. i know that im not good in it at all, that's why i want to learn more. but all you ever do is force me and scold me to practise, that you can tell that i have bad attitude. i don't. really. i stopped because i wasn't learning, there is no push, i dont want to have to struggle for 15mins just to get one line right. and if today, right this moment i practice, then doesnt it defeat the purpose, cause its like you forced me instead of me wanting to.
im really feeling so lousy and terrible right now. even my sister didnt understand. that shows that im the one at fault, does it?
and my two friends, please reply my sms.

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Wasn't it obvious that he was being so very annoying? Why couldn't he tell?
Did he really think that she needed someone like that, to follow her around, to give those seemingly witty answers to her increasingly annoyed questions? She would put an end to all this, once and for all. After all, she needed nobody. Nobody at all.
Then why haven't you ended it, hmm? Maybe you do like him around after all, whispered the tiny niggling voice in her head.
Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone around. Just to make things around here less boring... Yes, just for that. She pushed the little voice away, and commanded herself not to give any more thought on the matter, lest she changed her mind.

For as they say, love is fickle, and so is your mind, when you are entering the realm of love.

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well. i'm back from my sleepover.
it was fun, a quiet sort of fun i guess.
/sitting in the balcony, trying to play with the 13-in-1 games thing, laughing.
/and the long hours of talks, of jc life, of subjects, of everything that we could think of.
/playing my very first game of pool, i'm glad its with these people, having an enjoyable 2hrs in exchange for $4.80, i don't mind.
/learning german bridge, and poker. card games are lots of fun, really.
/discovering our superior isketch skills, and being downright mean to the other players.
/attempting to make sense of RISK, and playing our own way, ended up in me surrendering for the sake of my people, haha.
/lots and lots of junk food, delicious aglio olio and fried rice.
/and emily.

never had a sleepover like this. it's interesting, and yeah it was fun, although next time, lets have the normal kind, not the babysitter kind, yes?
the everybody, noisy, chalet, sleeping at 5am kind would be nice.

since i'm typing this on sunday, my anger has long ceased.
but really, on friday night, i was planning just exactly how i would compose this post to you.
you, who would apologize without knowing the reason, who doesn't see how that makes your apology fake, who believes that 'im sorry' can change everything.
seriously, a sleepover is not for you to use the com, to type away in your various msn conversations with your MANY MANY friends. you might as well just go home then.
you knew that i was alone, with nothing to do, and when i asked you to stop, you agreed, only to turn back the moment it rang again.
what, then, is the point of saying sorry?
it only makes things worse, doesn't it?
but whatever. obviously i can't do anything about it, for you are you, and will always be you.
no matter what others say, you don't change.
even if you knew i was mad, you still wouldn't do anything about it.

well. i'm not going to bear a grudge. i just needed to let it all out. and now i have.
there's a whole paragraph that i've already deleted.

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its only when i went back do i realise i missed the Cedar building so much.
i miss taking 100, walking the long road in to school, having to avoid the flooded area when it rains, remembering the 'fear' when i was late for band and the side gate was not open and to your horror you see them assembling and you are late and in plain sight.

the new building, its rather nice, some things have changed, not all for the better.
the foyer is great. i can't remember how the old one looks like anymore.
having the library on the 1st floor, pretty smart, but it just seems odd, like libraries are meant to be above.
i like how the layout almost stayed the same, and realise that i do miss the corridors, the classroom block and everything.
band room is reddish, thats all i can say. and the new choir room is nice.
flagpole is now on the 1st floor, not cool anymore.
and i miss the clock tower so very much.

i didn't see everything. like the hall, or the toilets. how i wish to be back in Cedar again, instead of having to worry for my future.
i'm still strongly considering poly.

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There she was.
Sitting alone a tthe beach, hugging her knees to her chest. So engrossed in her thoughts that she did not notice the tiny leaf nestled in her hair.
He smiled. She was exactly like how he remembered.
He walked over to her, quietly, and bent down, till they were at eye level with each other.
"I am here now."
She looked up, and smiled, " Yes, you are."
As her green eyes stared at his brown ones, at that moment, they knew, it was just the beginning.

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tmr is SLEEPOVER DAY!
i'm really rather excited.
because well, this group of people can always make me laugh, make me feel at ease, and make me really glad that i have known them:)
and this is possibly the best thing that have happened to me since the hols started.
cos of everything that has happened recently, i DO need a break.

:)

nonsense nothing post as usual.

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Today, was SUCH a fantastic day. Like, really truly.
I:
/waited at the optometrist for 2 over hours to get contacts.
/because my eyes are THAT small, i can't wear soft lenses as easily as any normal person
/therefore i need to wear gas permeable lenses, aka hard lenses.
/which means i have to keep it in good condition for 2 years,
/when someone of my character really should be wearing dailies.
/HARD LENSES HURT LIKE @#$%$
/and will hurt for 2-3 months.
/apparantly they are better for you, cos of oxygen and all that.
/but when the only thing you want to do is pull them out immediately after putting them in, you don't care about the health benefits.
/i couldn't open my eyes properly, and had to sit for 40mins to get them 'adjusted'.

i sound like a spoilt brat, yes?
i can't help it. im sorry.

oh yes, on top of my great morning, i also,
/stood my friend up for 1hr.
/she was annoyed, mad, irritated. i totally understand.
/if she doesn't ever want to go out with me, its my fault.
/if it was me, i woudn't even have waited. why wait for someone as irresponsible as me?

SEE? WHAT A GREAT DAY.

i just don't get how come everytime i plan something, and hype myself up for believing it will be an awesome day, i screw it up.
AND I NEVER MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN.
i never planned for the tune-in games to overtime, and that i would be late to meet C.
i never planned for the contacts fitting to take forever, and that i would be late to meet M.
i never planned to be late in meeting my friends, and to do so twice in a week.
i never planned to appear so irresponsible and untrustworthy.
and i never planned for something which i want to never happen again, happen again.

I'M SORRY. REALLY, TRULY, CROSS MY HEART.


yes, you're right, next time i should tell the person beforehand.
its not that i didn't want to. i'm just that kind of person that hopes, believes for the best, that maybe, after this part, i can go, or after this, or after this.
and the clock just ticks away.
like when i have to reach cityhall at 1130, and the time's 1047, i think, ok, enough time to ..., it only takes 22mins to reach. and by the time i check, it's alr 1113, and i'm late.
maybe it wasn't intentional, but it is my fault. dui bu qi. gomenasai.




forgiveness? a simple word, but it needs so much.
all the things i've ever done, all the things i'd yet to do.
what kind of person am i?
someone who will break promises, is that it?

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAROLINE!
about time you turn 16! haha it seems so weird now, cos throughout the year i've been wishing ppl that. and so many things have happened between one person's bday to the next.
this year, it's really ending now.
next year's gonna be great. well. before results day ruins everything, that is.

but ANYWAY,
someone's having fun at her chalet right now so she can't see this.
guess what?
you've the honour of being the first girl i wish happy bday to since..
since i've given this blog resuscitation.
HAHA.
i'm full of crap.
or, as M would say, full of bull -.-'''

can't wait for tuesday!
how long do you think i can keep up this frequent blog post phenomeneon?
hmm.. till the end of this month, at least?
yup that shall be my target. haha.

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just sent Charlene off at the airport! She's going Korea. so unfair. hmmph. haha
then she's not very high about it.
Well.. if we two were going... then we would be super high:)
oh yeah, i'm supposed to finish up my red camp post.
but im so lazzyy..
kk, tmr!


i wonder if anyone rmb our 2nd mass convo? doubt it.
ah wells. im late.
there's so many things i want to do, some things i dont even dare to say out loud.
for fear that maybe, someone will say, " You can't. "
cos i wouldn't be able to accept it.
silence... is safer.

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When I say red camp you say 6.
Red Camp? 6!
Red Camp? 6!
When I say what camp you say red camp.
What camp? RED CAMP!
What camp? RED CAMP!
What camp? RED CAMP 6!


i went Ngee Ann Poly on Tues to Thurs. It was pretty awesome.
I loved Red Camp, loved my leaders, and loved my tribe, APACHE!
They made me super love red again:)
as you can see, i'm in a happy mood. so the entire post will be filled with smiley faces!
:)

There are five tribes, Apaches(red), Ninjas(blue), Centurions (yellow), Vikings (green) and Spartans (white). So we all wore our tribe colours and i became so used to looking at red that it was weird seeing a bunch of blue or green...
Hmm.. the SLs were so much fun. They were high, and cheered, and i think everyone was so willing to be high too. cos we all wanted to sign up for this course i guess, so.. everyone was high!

Apaches oi! Whooooo
Apaches oi! Whoo hoo
Apaches oi!
Red hot Apaches, making you go whoo hoo,
that's the way we all come true like whoo hoo, whoo hoo!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lemme give you a brief rundown of what we did over 3 days:

DAY ONE.
Assemble, performance, some instructions, then off we go!

1. School of Engineering.. built a rollercoaster thing, way fragile and unstable and ugly, but in the end.. we won! so 2 movie tix each to the ppl in our grp. good start to the morning.

And we go Boom Dynamite,
And we go Boom Dynamite,
And we go o-o-o-o Boom Dynamite
And we go Boom Dynamite, } soft
And we go Boom Dynamite, }
And we go chex chex ddddddddd BOOM DYNAMITE!
And you go ohmygod,
And you go ohmygod,
And you go o-o-o-o ohmygod,
And we go please try again,
And we go please try again,
And we go Error, access denied.
chex chex BOOOOMMMM!

2. Lunch. KFC. abit cold, but.. filling. haha. ( still rmb the plotting to get into a certain subtribe, but we still failed anw:/ until the last day! haha. )

3. Adventure Park. thank goodness we didn't all have to do the flying fox but scarier thingy. oh, and the chalet thing costs $100/night. thats like, night robbery. haha.
Played the inverse game and parachute game. which was.. abit scary, in a way.

For honour, for glory, for Apache!
All apaches in the stands, come on let me see your hands
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah.
All apaches in the stands, who's so great, who's so great
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah.
All apaches in the stands, who's the greatest in the land
ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah. ooh-ah-a-ah. OOM!

4. Back to main area, ended 6plus, ate and went home! dark stormy night, so spent a bomb cabbing with C. see lah, all your fault. HAHA. do you get the rhyme??



DAY TWO.
same stuff in the morn, just that J was looking zombier and zombier. ahaha.

5. School of Humanities, fun fun fun. we saw a cute puppet show, made a (eventually end up squashed) clay panda, and watched a magic show.
School of Film and Media Studies. won a game cd! haha we winning streak. saw the cool facilities, and learnt the GG cheer!

1 little 2 little 3 little Apaches
4 little 5 little 6 little Apaches
7 little 8 little 9 little Apaches
Wait a minute, we're not little!
We're almighty!
Who dares to mess with us will be chao da.
Who dares to mess with us will be barbeque.
Who dares to mess with us will be deep fried.
SA SASA SASA SA SASA SASA SA SASA SASA.
one more time!
No one will mess with us we will own you.
No one will mess with us we will eat you.
No one will mess with us you will GG
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG.
good game!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG go home la!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG still here ah!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG no chance!
G GG GG G GG GG G GG GG no shame!
CHEY!!!!!

6. Lunch. Breeks!

7. School of Life Sciences, Nitrogen baked marshmallows can be eaten. Really.
School of Health Sciences. it's gross delivering a baby, mr tan the 'injured' mannequin is never dying.
Haha can see my interest level in these 2 schools.. pretty low. heh.

I love Apaches, I love the people here, I love the SLs, I love the campers too,
I love Apaches, right here in Red Camp 6.

8. some celebs came.. ok it was pretty fun, but i cant rmb anymore.

9. Dinner. We had to find a guy partner. it was rather funny, and in the very end a frenzy for nothing. ok C had some .. rewards but that's it.

10. MASS DANCE! to the tune of Now or Never and All for One. learnt about half of it the we went home. took C's car home, and we just continued to stress over the JC/Poly dilemma.
Honestly, i have no idea. I went home with a ton of ? and the Ooh-la-la cheer in my head.

Apaches, how are you feeling?
I say.. Ooh-la-la, Apache-la-la.
I say.. Ooh-la-la, Apache-la-la.
I say O-e-o-e-o, whoooooo
o-e-o-e-o, APACHE!!



DAY THREE.
11. It's so tiring to crawl out of bed. cos i ended up sleeping pretty late. but ohwells! last day!!!
Charlene came! and i spent the morning ride teaching her the cheers. like the heart one:)

1,2,3,4 listen to my heart beat. boom-boomboom-boomboom.
5,6,7,8 listen to my butt shake. tang-tangtang-tangtang.
1,2,3,4 listen to my hands clap. clap-clapclap-clapclap.
5,6,7,8 listen to APACHE! boom-boomboom-boomboom.tang-tangtang-tangtang.clap. clap-clapclap-clapclap. APACHE!!

12. School of Business. nothing much. played this game which we lost. STI = Straits Times Index.
School of Infocomm Tech. increased my interest in the animation course. Just afraid i have no flair for it.

13. Lunch, stranded at the IT block, the 1st negative thing about NP is it floods! saw students everywhere walking around holding their shoes in their hands, and it seemed so routine to them.
We went into the 'haunted' lecture theatre, and learnt new cheers! (haha what else?)

14. Back to the conf centre for mass dance and camp finale, but we were sooo high! just cheering and screaming all the way. There's this home cheer, but i cant rmb now:/
Danced mass dance with char,
Each tribe had a characteristic, and Apaches were considered wildest:) Somehow i like that!
Broke 2 Sg book of records:
1) Dance hokey pokey for 5 mins,
2) Most no of people putting a lollipop in your mouth at the same time for 3mins.
Yeah yeah sounds stupid, but when you're in the high mood anything goes!
Had the cheer-off comp to decide best tribe
andd... WE WON! despite being the smallest, WE WON!! We screamed like mad i tell you.
We had to cheer 5 cheers continuously, and we did..
oohlala, honour and glory, boom dynamite, 1,2,3,4, GG.
we were so tired after that. our cheers are too long la!
but i liked Ninja's cheers too.
And we had this alliance thing, so we became Ninche
While the other 3 were CenVikTans
the alliance cheers were pretty screwed, but we were less screwed. haha.
Ninche oi!
Ninja-jajaja, Apache-checheche
NinjaApache become Ninche.
Ninche oi!
We are.... Number 1...
No one can beat us..... ha!
Ninche oi!
Our passion, ha!
is like fire, ha!
Burn the whole desert.... ha!
They see us, ha! Also follow us, ha!
All so scared of the passion of fire.....

Spore Idol Top 4 came, i like all of them!
After that C and J left, we mass danced again, gone wild.
Dinner was ok. Assembled and did all the cheers again :D
Finally went back in for the Zouk thing, which i DID NOT enjoy.
left at 10, took train all the way back with Char.

It was a great 3 days, wonderful experience, i enjoyed myself thoroughly.
Maybe i still don't know where to go, but. Ngee Ann is a great option.
I knew that before i went for the camp, and now, i have a greater understanding.
Poly ppl, isn't all that different from JC ppl. Everyone's about the same age, have our high moments, have the mugging side, have the ability to have a great time.
So no matter where i go, i think, i can still fit in.

Ok! finally completed. I'm so tired. haha.
BYE~

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My last post was 6 months ago. now i'm in sec4 already.
There was so much to say, about turning sec4, about the looming O's that we have to face, but i never really found the time to write it all down.
And that is why this blog turned mouldy, died and rotted.
Cos this year has been really busy.
Because of band.

Yep, band.
Band was, a journey. From the beginning of getting used to playing an instrument, to trying to make friends, to getting closer with my seniors, to feeling sick and tired of this 4-letter word. To finally prepping myself for the 'final lap'.
Actually band can't be summarised in a few sentences. I might need a few weeks.

But now, i think, how i used to long for this day, Monday, 6 April, my first band-free day.
So why now, why do i miss it. Why do i miss Band?
Isit because we didnt end on a glory note?
Isit because our last day of band was in tears?
Or isit because i have come to love band, after all.

I guess its all 3.

Today. When they announced the results, formally, to the entire school, we all felt that pain again. Everybody worked so hard, not just for ourselves, not just for all the seniors before us, but also, to finally prove to the school how good we can be.
And once again, just like 2 years ago, we didn't.
We proved, to ourselves, in our hearts, how we are made of gold. But there's a difference, that only having it announced by judges and seeing it on a piece of paper will make.
And although we all say it doesn't matter, really, what we get. As long as we play with no regrets.
Deep down in our hearts, it matters.
A champion is not a champion until someone officially announces, and presents that person with a medal.
And so, we can never feel truly like a gold band, till we get that officiality.


On friday, I recorded the anouncement. Because i believed that i wanted to be able to relive the euphoria of hearing a Gold, finally. I remember the euphoria, from NBC. And I wanted that. So badly. We all did.
It was only at that point of time, when i heard them say Silver, that i realised how important it was.
I once told Syahirah, that i would be sad, only if we didn't get what we deserve. If we failed, and got a Silver, i wouldn't feel any pain.
I was wrong.
However well or horribly i thought we did, whether or not we expected to get a silver, it still hurts, equally bad, when it is said officially.
Cos really, everyone still has that glimmer of hope, and only the judges can snuff it out completely.



When hope leaves you, it isn't a piercing pain, but rather, an ache, a dull thud, when your heart sinks.
It is the sort of pain that feels like it could last forever.
A pain, that with time, could be lessened, but never truly removed.
Until the day when we are really awarded GOLD.




The hall had no cheers. Just polite claps. I remember every little detail, because i felt we were moving in limbo. I didn't cry immediately. Only when we left the hall, because in truth, i had a wild, unrealistic hope. That somehow, the results were wrong, that maybe the person would say it was a mistake. How naive i could be! I even recorded the announcement, thinking ( and believing) it would be a moment I want to remember forever.


I now know the meaning of drowning in sorrow. As Cedar Symphonic Band left the hall, no one could hold back tears. I looked around, and watched people who hated band and couldn't wait till graduation, cry. I cried.

I cried because of the sadness of the people around me.
I cried because of the disappointment, the unfairness. For Nanyang didn't deserve a Gold. And neither did we.
I cried because I knew we deserved better.


No matter what others say, how it didn't matter, so long as we knew what we deserved in our hearts, and how it was okay.. All those thoughts, at that moment, i felt it was so untrue.
Of course it matters. Why won't it?

And like a spectator, i watched, banders circling each other, hugging, crying.
I watched our seniors, who came back, with hope and anticipation, of us being able to achieve what they could not. well. we couldn't, either.
I watched the vp and adults stand there, not knowing what to do, for they could only feel sympathy, but never empathy.

The bus ride home was silent. There was nothing left to say, for we all felt each other's sorrow, and who could console who?
That friday evening, we reached the bandroom,
Everything had changed since we last seen it.
The leaders ended with a tearful speech, mrs lim cried too. And that, made me cry even harder.
The people that went through this journey with us, we all wanted more, expected more, deserved more. and finally, was disappointed more.

I wont ever forget this. Yes, csb is not the best, not the most well known, but it is mine.
I'm from CSB, and no matter what, i have to move on, be like the seniors before me, and pass on all my hopes of being GOLD to the next batch, or the next.
And one day, we will get what we deserve.


To Aqila, Cathlin and Emily: Thanks for the meal. With you 3 around, I forgot all my sadness.
Thank you, so very much.

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